Continuing to be of pseudo-sound mind and completely soundless body, I, Craig Klein, do hereby bequeath, for a limited time, the following things to the following people:

To Samantha Frezza I bequeath my entire Tori Amos collection. This includes all studio albums, singles, promo-dics, and bootlegs (except the Winter CD which I give to Miller) on CD, DVD, videotape, and audiotape, as well as all magazine articles, tour books, and any other assorted Tori memorabilia I own, not to mention the very wonderful portrait of Tori that Sam herself drew for me as a 23rd birthday present.

To Michael Zavarello I hereby bequeath my half of Bright-Matrix. I think, legally, you get it whether I bequeath it or not, but I wanted to make it unofficially official. I also bequeath unto you my Shadow Galaxy Website, almost everything i know about HTML is due to what you taught me. So take care of my baby. Oh, and I also guilt you into taking over The Electric Wire, because you never read the damn thing and it gives me much joy making it my dying request that you take over, and I know the guilt will compel you to do so. Moo hoo ha ha ha!!!

To Christine Schroers, the number one (and only) fan of my poetry, I hereby bequeath you your favorite poem, "I Call It . . ." Because nothing says friendship like flooshball!

To Chrsitine Cheplic, I unbequeath my part of the lease as it seems she couldn't live in bliss with Sean after all. Instead she trades in the apartment for my testicles. It's an odd trade, and I realize I bequeathed my body to Ross, but I really doubt he'd mind if my testicles went elsewhere, and Christine seems almost strangely excited about pickling my testies in a jar, and who am I to deny the pleasures of my friends. Plus it's nice to know someone wants my balls.

To Heather Dworak, who was beat out on the computer and because I don't own any musical instruments, I bequeath my CD player and my clock-radio. Because next to my computer they're the only other electronics I own, and they both play music which is generally played on musical instruments. It's not the best consolation prize, but I hope you understand.

To Sean Hale, the ungrateful bastard, I unbequeath my DVD player, as he says he's perfectly content to play his DVDs on his X-Box. Fine, then. Spurn the dying wish of one of your closest friends. Ingrate. Just for that, I'm giving you my complete DVD set of The Prisoner.